Help Me Please

LET’S BEGIN.

First, for anyone who is at their end, right here and right now–I’m talking about suicide–and you’ve tried all the other options and I’m your last hope… please go directly to my page called Beyond The End. Do it now.

For the rest of you, thank you for visiting my website. You’ve typed in ‘help me please’, which means you’ve gone beyond searching for a specific type of help, and your circumstances have overwhelmed you into making a more general plea: you are making YOUR DEEP CALL FOR HELP.

I’m answering. I offer sincere help throughout this site, it’s pure and it’s for free. There is no advice here, nothing to buy, no ads, no exercises or tests to take, no new things for you to ‘believe’ or ‘follow’. You can keep your religious beliefs, or lack thereof, because this is not a religious site, and yet it also includes every person in every religion.

Please read the following short introductions to the three kinds of help I offer here, and then start exploring whichever seems to meet your need at the moment.

Introduction: The HELP ME Book1. The HELP ME Book
There are options you have not thought about. Even the wisest, most intelligent and resourceful mind cannot think of every option. A life-saving option may be right in front of you, even within you, and because you are in such a dire state you’re not able to recognize it clearly.

There are options that can help you cope with, manage, make less painful, or solve (if they can be ‘solved’) your problems. I have heard so many people say, “I’ve tried everything!” and, “Nothing works, no one can help me!” and, “I don’t know what to do!”.

Do you really think you’ve tried ‘everything’? You haven’t come close to trying everything, and I’ll prove it here. Nothing works? Everything works in some way, you just haven’t opened to ‘everything’ in the right way. You don’t know what to do? On a certain level, you know entirely what to do; you just haven’t been able to look past your pain and fear and the noise in your head, and hear yourself.

The HELP ME Book is a shot of adrenaline for you. If you think you’re ‘at the end’, you’ve ‘hit bottom’, you’ve ‘run out of realistic options’, your ‘life is over’… please read my book. It is progressive, linear, blows apart your thought that you’ve tried everything and have reached your limit, and gives you many options you hadn’t thought about. Think of this book as a ‘primer before you reach out for more specific kinds of help’.

Remember: my book, like everything on this site, is free. Nothing to buy, nothing to learn, no exercises, no religiousness, no commercial spirituality. You just read it, and it starts to move something inside you. Note that this book is not simply a few brief website articles; this is a lot of reading, something to immerse yourself in, a big book published in web page form. Let’s begin with the Introduction.

Interview: Separating Parents2. THE INTERVIEWS
The most common thing you hear when you’re in difficulty or in crisis is ‘Talk to someone’. But sometimes you can’t, either because of your own limitations or because there’s simply no one around you feel you can talk to, who would be safe or helpful to talk with. So I’m bringing them to you.

These are interviews I do with people who have been through things. All kinds of people, from all areas, all ages, and all kinds of life happenings. One of the biggest blind spots of anyone who is suffering, is the feeling that you are alone, that no one understands. But if you are having deep troubles, and you read an interview, or a dozen interviews, with people who are going through similar things, you no longer feel so isolated. And you can learn, be helped, by hearing about how others have coped, even survived and thrived, through circumstances similar to what you are going through. They may not be able to listen to you in person, but by the way they share their own words here you’ll know that they would hear you if you were talking to them right now.

To read more about these interviews and how I conduct them, please read ‘The Interviews‘ page. Or you can go directly to any category under ‘THE INTERVIEWS’ heading at right, and select an interview whose title resonates with your own circumstances. Note that no interview is just about one thing; a ‘change of life’ interview might talk about some great or tragic event leading to that change; a ‘sexual abuse’ interview might talk about later problems in life resulting from the abuse. I try to loosely categorize each interview, but each one includes wider events.

I will add to these interviews constantly, so please check in at a later date, if you do not see an interview that helps you at the moment.

Free Your Thinking3. THE MIND TOOLS
Usually it is a wide collection of events and decisions that bring you down a road that eventually tightens and bottlenecks into your finally asking ‘help me please’. It is invariably a combination of external happenings, and your reactions and responses to them, that brings you to either success or suffering. This is not a matter of ‘fault’ or blame, of intelligence or strength; the smartest and strongest people can still end up in a place of despair and destitution.

But your mind can evolve into something better; not every difficult circumstance in your life can be thwarted or escaped, however there are thought-tools you can use to better cope with problems, and then to deal with enough parts of a problem so that the whole is reduced in severity and becomes something manageable.

These are a random series of mind tools. Mind tools are just that: thought-tools to help your mind build into a stronger entity. You don’t have to learn any new spiritual words, there are no exercises, you don’t have to learn or remember anything here. Mind tools are simple thoughts that clarify something in your head, help your thought process evolve into something more efficient, healthy, powerful, capable. You just read them, and they start to work.

You can read more about them on ‘The Mind Tools‘ page, or go directly to the Mind Tools category and select one that resonates with you. Each is a powerful tool to help you clear your mind, and clear up your life.

–   –   –

I hope these pages can help you. I won’t send you to any other websites, you can search those out on your own. Every article on this site is written by myself, every link goes to another page within this site only, every interview is conducted by myself and the final version is approved by the person being interviewed, and even the photos are all by me.

My mind is well now. But I have been in that place, of asking HELP ME PLEASE, many times in the past, for many years, and in situations I did not feel I could survive. So I think I can give you realistic and effective options.

And I hope I do that.

Thank you,
Neil

Neil

***I hope something on my site resonates with you, maybe helps your situation, offers a little peace and some options. Please read ‘The Help Me Book’. There is so much I still need to put on this site and I apologize for so much that is missing. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to add those words and I’m sorry if your situation falls into those gaps and you aren’t helped. For the time being I’m a little overwhelmed with my own life events so I’m closing comments, and I’m very sorry for that as well. I wish I could personally hear every one of you. Will open again when I can. Please read my site.

415 Comments

  • Alison says:

    I am so beyond lost. I have an amazing boyfriend of almost a year whom I have cheated on repeatedly. I told him about it and he told me if I changed we would work it out because he loves me. The twist is I didn’t cheat on him with some guy for a one night stand.. I cheated on him with a girl. And this girl is in love with me too. I love both of them.. I see her every day and always give into temptation and I see him every week and love him and won’t tell him what’s going on because I know he will will leave me. I am such a terrible person to both of them and I don’t understand why they love me after knowing what happened. I feel so completely worthless that I’m playing with their hearts so much. I’ve given myself options and possible solutions but I never follow through with anything.. and I’m so sick I can’t leave my bed. I don’t want sympathy because I am creating this situation. But I need help.. I don’t want to be here anymore. I feel like it would be so much easier to just end things myself than to stop being with either one of them. I absolutely hate myself.

    • Bannen says:

      Hi Allison, something much deeper is going on with you. It’s not about your cheating, or being bisexual or bicurious, or your not being able to control yourself.

      Something is below all that; a deeper unhappiness, with who you are at a primal level. You’re sabotaging your relationships, and undermining your own self worth, because a deeper part of you is suffering. It is calling out for help, it is trying to find some comfort in relationships, but the comfort is not there so on some level that part of you is jumping around into all kinds of situations, hoping for someone or something to make you happy. But no one is capable of making you happy or solving your deeper unhappiness. Because something deep in you is hurt, suffering, and you need to look straight into that, identify it, and work with it.

      Regardless of your current relationships… do you have an idea of what this deeper unhappiness is inside you? This thing that feels so painful that you have to go looking in all kinds of directions in an attempt to cover over that unhappiness? Your current mess of relationships – trying different ones, being untrustworthy to each of your partners – this is not your problem. This is the outward symptoms of your problem, but your problem is something much deeper that goes back into your history. Is it time for you to go in search of that, and face it?

      I have emailed you.

  • Emilie says:

    Hey,
    I’m lost. Sometime I feel like I have no emotions, and sometimes I feel like the pain is going to break my heart. I don’t want to kill myself because I have a family and friends that care about me and I don’t want to hurt them. The thing is, I’m overwhelmed with school and entrance exams (I don’t know if this is the right word I’m not an english native sorry). I’m so stressed and anxious that i have already failed tests because of this. I want it all to stop but I don’t know what to do. The only person that I know can listen to me is one on my teachers but I don’t want to bother him with all this, he has a family, I can’t keep ruin everything around me. Also, I hate myself so much I’ve tried horrible ways to obtain the beauty I want and it just made things worse. I want to feel better but I feel that there’s nothing to do. Nothing that would make me feel better. I want to feel better but at the same time I don’t want to be saved. What am I supposed to do ?

    • Bannen says:

      Hi Emilie, your fear, your self hatred, your stress and pain, are all coming from somewhere, something in your life has allowed you to feel empty and awful about yourself. When you go in search of what that cause is, and begin the steps to replace all that with a clearer understanding of yourself and a feeling of self worth, then you will make clearer decisions that will help all the other stresses to become less. I have emailed you.

  • Tobey says:

    Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
    And I do appreciate you being ’round
    Help me get my feet back on the ground
    Won’t you please, please help me?

  • Ryan says:

    I need to do school work but I really don’t want to. I am not feeling good at home during school hours, I need to work on school work, but I don’t know were to start all of it just seems so hard. What should I do?

    • Bannen says:

      Hello Ryan, do you mean that you are being home schooled but you feel uncomfortable doing schoolwork at home? I have emailed you.

  • Ashley says:

    So. … yeah lost. … is only the beginning I’m frantic for a solution. … lets say from the beginning. .. I’m a mother of 4 amazing children… they are the only reason that I haven’t home off the deep end but as of late even that hasn’t mattered. ..I broke up with a 5 year mistake…. being comfortable isn’t the same as being in love. .. and now I’m so lost as what to do I feel like I’m failing I’m going to lose my home and I’ve already lost my job. ..my car. .. my license…. I’m so messed up and trapped in my brain I can’t make a cognitive decision to save my life I’m fucked no matter what I do it seems. …. and just as I begin you get a grip something comes along and knocks it right out of my grasp. …

    • Bannen says:

      Hi Ashley, maybe your life is supposed to be falling apart right now. Maybe you have been repeating old unhealthy cycles over and over, and your life is now telling you that it can no longer work that way, and it’s forcing a change on you. A change out of your past living situations, relationships, busyness… and you’re being forced to slow down and take a clearer look at yourself and the way you been doing things so far? I have emailed you.

  • Chase says:

    I stumbled upon your website not because I was seeking help but because I accidentally pressed enter too soon on google when I was trying to find a guide to fix something in my house. I’ve spent a good hour reading your posts and replies to people and want to say that I am astonished at the time and effort you put into this. I’m a medic in the US army with a degree in nursing and helping people at their lowest points has always been my calling. I wanted to say that the world needs more people like you. I have a slight sense of optimism in the human race after seeing the lengths you go to for others you don’t even know. By any chance do you have a book or something published? I would love to purchase it.

    • Bannen says:

      Hi Chase, thank you for writing and for helping people in your way also. I have emailed you.

  • Rains says:

    Hi I m gong through low phase in life. …..I was in a relationship for the last 9 yrs with a married man whoes divorce case is in the court for the last 12 ys…..I wantd to marry him aftr he gts divorce. ….I had gone through hell being in ths relationship. ….nt even I but my family also suffered. …..lately he askd me to take drastic step…..eithr go on live on with him or marry hos handicapped bro till he gts divorce so tht v can bear children withut wastng time as v r gtng old…..I m 37 n he 43. I rejected both the propsals as I wantd him to gt legal freedom. …..nw he has broght some unknown ladakhi grl who has married hs handicapped hro n he is planning to have babied witj her n promosd to marry her afr he gts divorce. ..he broke up with me sayng I m coward of the highest ordr n tht grl is bold n his reliver frm all the pains….he hopes nw he will gt divorce soon aftr he will have his kids

    • Bannen says:

      Hello Rains, it sounds like you’ve gotten into a mess of life and relationship details; when it gets this messy, it’s no longer about ‘straightening things out’, because that is still being caught up in the mess and trying to force external things to be resolved. At this stage… it is YOU who needs to resolve something in your own mind. Resolve things that have made you into this person who gets involved in unhealthy relationships. I have emailed you.

  • Jordan says:

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple of weeks now. and about 3 weeks ago i went and talked to my mother because i was worried about him. He had been drinking almost every day and didnt seem like he had any intention of slowing down. My mom and I both promised that this would be kept secret and no one was to know what i had said. It was a bad idea and i shouldn’t have told her. When i had been dating my ex prior to my current boyfriend my mother was jealous because she knew i cared about him so she would come home every day and scream at me. didnt matter what it was she would find something. This made me extremely depressed and so i started to drink and for while that worked. but then my parents found out (they are in the process of getting a divorce). instead of helping me or just sitting and talking to me, my father and mother treated me like shit. She came home and told me she was giving up on me, that i was shit, and that i was emotionally abusive. fast forward a 2 weeks after id expressed my concerns about my boyfriend. I promised id stop drinking but the truth was that id slowed down. I was sitting in my office one day and i thought ‘why not have a glass of wine’. and i took three sips and then i just stopped but while doing so i was on the phone with my boyfriend and me and him were chatting. my mom walks in and catches me. she looses it and threatens to give me over to my father who emotionally and physically abused me for around 9 years. instead of just talking to me she decides to call my boyfriends mother and tell her how id been concerned about will. and he of course lies to her and says he isnt drinking. I then have to meet him mother in person to talk. and his mother looks at me and says im a liar and a degrader even though all i ever did was tell him to stop drinking and focus on school. i did what ever i could and he was getting better. while i was standing there my boyfriends mom asked me “is he still drinking?”. i answered honestly saying that he used too but he had slowed down and gotten better. His mom then broke down in tears after id left and decided to get him a counselor and say that he had to give he phone to her at 9 every night. which compared to how my parents acted was so kind and so sweet and might really help him. but now what hes doing is telling all his friends whats happened but leaving out key parts. so they all tell him that he should break up with me. they say i ratted him out and that im a shitty person and its so frustrating. because i come home every day dealing with emotionally abusive parents who tell me im worthless. and all he gets is a damn curfew and yet he still complains and acts like its the worse thing in the world. i cant take being beaten up (mentally), and being manipulated by my parents and dealing with him telling me that its all my fault and that he was gonna break up with me. should i leave him? is it my fault? was i a shitty person for what i did? and should i have covered for him?

    • Bannen says:

      There is a lot more going on here ‘below the surface’. It’s not about who did what, who’s drinking, who said what, and who should do what; it’s about being around people who are very unhealthy in the way they treat each other and talk with each other. It’s about a lot of people who have their own issues, all taking out those issues on each other, rather than trying to clear things up and become healthier in their relationships. It’s also not about how to ‘fix each other’ and sort out the messes. It is about: who do you want to be? Are you willing to do the work to clear up your own mind, in the middle of those messy relationships, and carry yourself to a healthier place? So much to talk about. I have emailed you.

  • Colleen says:

    I hate this life. I lost my husband seven weeks ago and I dont want to go on. Ive got the most brilliant family and my dad has been really good even though I make sure he is okay but I cant see me getting any further. I just want to be with him to the moaning, wanting to be in control person he was. We are married, soul mates and best friends and I cannot see how I am going to live my anymore without him. What is the point. I want his big arms to wrap around me and tell me its going to be okay or ask how long it is going to be before I meet him. Didnt like being at home because there are too many memories, went to work and it took my mind somewhere else but it always comes back to my hubbie. When you have been part of someone’s life since you were 22 and your 60 now you cant comprehend it. He would and probably is annoyed at me for doing this but I feel in this (swearing) fog and dont know how to get out of it. Thank you. I think Im being too hard on myself as its only been seven weeks but I cant envisage myself another year down the line.

    • Bannen says:

      You got married young, built a life with someone, so your entire adult life has been defined by who you are as a part of ‘a pair’, that relationship. Now you get to find out who you are, alone… and this can be very scary, because it’s a big question and right now you don’t have the answer. You still want comfort from that familiar place – your loved one – but that comfort is gone. It’s scary because… what do you replace it with, if it’s ‘just you’ now? Who comforts you now? – You have the time to find out now, don’t you? Maybe the answer is better than you think. I have emailed you.

  • Maria says:

    I really need help but I am sure nobody can help me. I cannot kill myself because I have a daughter, so that is not na option. I bought a memory card for my phone, because my daughter needed more space for games. Meanwhile I was having problems with my daughter’s father and I decided to record everything. Meantime I always erased the latest cal and just assumed that the older calls were just automatically erased. They weren’t. They went straight to that memory card. My ex boyfriend stole it and is now playing those intimate phonecalls I had with several people to his colleagues and friends. He is a National Director. I am nobody but people know me because although this is a capital it functions like a small village since it is very stratified. I don’t know what to do. Some calls have other people’s problems in it. Some have some comments from people working with people in high places.

    • Bannen says:

      Hi Maria; where are YOU, within all this? Sounds like you feel worthless and powerless, and you have entered relationships all your adult life with people who are toxic and in control, while you give up all your own power and health. Where did you disappear to, what happened? I have emailed you.

    • Sarah says:

      Maria,

      I’m sorry you’re in this position. Consider reporting this to the police. I’m not sure what the laws are where you live but what your ex did is theft and possibly harassment. He not only invaded your privacy but others as well. Normal people will look at his behavior in a negative light. If these conversations involve sensitive privacy & security issues, you need to tell the other potential victims what he’s done. Where I live (Arkansas, USA), it’s not illegal to record your own conversations. It is illegal to steal the property of others and to publicize private conversations which sounds like what he’s doing. You might ask his supervisor to assist you in getting the ex to stop & to return what he stole. Unethical & possible criminal behavior of someone on a national level is important for employers to know.

      • Bannen says:

        Sarah, thank you for stepping up. ‘Maria’ is unfortunately in a country dominated by men, where she has no realistic recourse in this matter because even the authorities would be men and would not help, rather they would agree with the men who are being so unfair to her. So in this case to report these things would do more harm to her rather than help. This is true and unfortunate of many parts of the world. But your comments are true and fair and in many areas would help someone, so I’m approving your comment here. Thank you. I have emailed you.

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