Help Me Please

LET’S BEGIN.

First, for anyone who is at their end, right here and right now–I’m talking about suicide–and you’ve tried all the other options and I’m your last hope… please go directly to my page called Beyond The End. Do it now.

For the rest of you, thank you for visiting my website. You’ve typed in ‘help me please’, which means you’ve gone beyond searching for a specific type of help, and your circumstances have overwhelmed you into making a more general plea: you are making YOUR DEEP CALL FOR HELP.

I’m answering. I offer sincere help throughout this site, it’s pure and it’s for free. There is no advice here, nothing to buy, no ads, no exercises or tests to take, no new things for you to ‘believe’ or ‘follow’. You can keep your religious beliefs, or lack thereof, because this is not a religious site, and yet it also includes every person in every religion.

Please read the following short introductions to the three kinds of help I offer here, and then start exploring whichever seems to meet your need at the moment.

Introduction: The HELP ME Book1. The HELP ME Book
There are options you have not thought about. Even the wisest, most intelligent and resourceful mind cannot think of every option. A life-saving option may be right in front of you, even within you, and because you are in such a dire state you’re not able to recognize it clearly.

There are options that can help you cope with, manage, make less painful, or solve (if they can be ‘solved’) your problems. I have heard so many people say, “I’ve tried everything!” and, “Nothing works, no one can help me!” and, “I don’t know what to do!”.

Do you really think you’ve tried ‘everything’? You haven’t come close to trying everything, and I’ll prove it here. Nothing works? Everything works in some way, you just haven’t opened to ‘everything’ in the right way. You don’t know what to do? On a certain level, you know entirely what to do; you just haven’t been able to look past your pain and fear and the noise in your head, and hear yourself.

The HELP ME Book is a shot of adrenaline for you. If you think you’re ‘at the end’, you’ve ‘hit bottom’, you’ve ‘run out of realistic options’, your ‘life is over’… please read my book. It is progressive, linear, blows apart your thought that you’ve tried everything and have reached your limit, and gives you many options you hadn’t thought about. Think of this book as a ‘primer before you reach out for more specific kinds of help’.

Remember: my book, like everything on this site, is free. Nothing to buy, nothing to learn, no exercises, no religiousness, no commercial spirituality. You just read it, and it starts to move something inside you. Note that this book is not simply a few brief website articles; this is a lot of reading, something to immerse yourself in, a big book published in web page form. Let’s begin with the Introduction.

Interview: Separating Parents2. THE INTERVIEWS
The most common thing you hear when you’re in difficulty or in crisis is ‘Talk to someone’. But sometimes you can’t, either because of your own limitations or because there’s simply no one around you feel you can talk to, who would be safe or helpful to talk with. So I’m bringing them to you.

These are interviews I do with people who have been through things. All kinds of people, from all areas, all ages, and all kinds of life happenings. One of the biggest blind spots of anyone who is suffering, is the feeling that you are alone, that no one understands. But if you are having deep troubles, and you read an interview, or a dozen interviews, with people who are going through similar things, you no longer feel so isolated. And you can learn, be helped, by hearing about how others have coped, even survived and thrived, through circumstances similar to what you are going through. They may not be able to listen to you in person, but by the way they share their own words here you’ll know that they would hear you if you were talking to them right now.

To read more about these interviews and how I conduct them, please read ‘The Interviews‘ page. Or you can go directly to any category under ‘THE INTERVIEWS’ heading at right, and select an interview whose title resonates with your own circumstances. Note that no interview is just about one thing; a ‘change of life’ interview might talk about some great or tragic event leading to that change; a ‘sexual abuse’ interview might talk about later problems in life resulting from the abuse. I try to loosely categorize each interview, but each one includes wider events.

I will add to these interviews constantly, so please check in at a later date, if you do not see an interview that helps you at the moment.

Free Your Thinking3. THE MIND TOOLS
Usually it is a wide collection of events and decisions that bring you down a road that eventually tightens and bottlenecks into your finally asking ‘help me please’. It is invariably a combination of external happenings, and your reactions and responses to them, that brings you to either success or suffering. This is not a matter of ‘fault’ or blame, of intelligence or strength; the smartest and strongest people can still end up in a place of despair and destitution.

But your mind can evolve into something better; not every difficult circumstance in your life can be thwarted or escaped, however there are thought-tools you can use to better cope with problems, and then to deal with enough parts of a problem so that the whole is reduced in severity and becomes something manageable.

These are a random series of mind tools. Mind tools are just that: thought-tools to help your mind build into a stronger entity. You don’t have to learn any new spiritual words, there are no exercises, you don’t have to learn or remember anything here. Mind tools are simple thoughts that clarify something in your head, help your thought process evolve into something more efficient, healthy, powerful, capable. You just read them, and they start to work.

You can read more about them on ‘The Mind Tools‘ page, or go directly to the Mind Tools category and select one that resonates with you. Each is a powerful tool to help you clear your mind, and clear up your life.

–   –   –

I hope these pages can help you. I won’t send you to any other websites, you can search those out on your own. Every article on this site is written by myself, every link goes to another page within this site only, every interview is conducted by myself and the final version is approved by the person being interviewed, and even the photos are all by me.

My mind is well now. But I have been in that place, of asking HELP ME PLEASE, many times in the past, for many years, and in situations I did not feel I could survive. So I think I can give you realistic and effective options.

And I hope I do that.

Thank you,
Neil

Neil

***I hope something on my site resonates with you, maybe helps your situation, offers a little peace and some options. Please read ‘The Help Me Book’. There is so much I still need to put on this site and I apologize for so much that is missing. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to add those words and I’m sorry if your situation falls into those gaps and you aren’t helped. For the time being I won’t be responding personally via email to each person who comments, and I’m very sorry for that as well. I wish I could personally hear every one of you.

411 Comments »

  • Allx says:

    I just finished having a panick attack it is 6 in the morning so my sleep has gone to hell.this past 2 years i am
    Being more and more concerned about my mortality and i deeply fear tha i’m going to die suddenly because of health problems and what saddens me most is the thought of people that care for me.i have a job as a waiter with no real schedule where i work 9-10 hours a day 6 times a week. Soon i will start my practice as a chef and evem this thought cannot confort me anymore.i have lost the appetite to do things like go out and have a coffee like with my girlfriend but i feel tired and uninterested to spend the time amd money to do sth like that which i know is bad..there really are a thousand thimgs that i believe are wrong about tje ways i think because the stress is dtarting to manifest in aches and pains. I really need some help some tips .i need my sleep and i really need to stop javing panick attacks for no reason.

    • Bannen says:

      Hi Allx, I think you’ve been cruising along in certain circumstances of life, have fallen into them naturally but without deeply and clearly discerning… what is authentic, what feels really right for you. And I think on a deeper level, you are unhappy with much of what your life is, maybe even with who you are as a person. And I think that deeper part of you that looks out for your growth is now forcing you to be unhappy with the things that really aren’t working for you, and is forcing you to… look inward, and start piercing through your old personality so you can find something truer. I have emailed you.

  • Joe says:

    Hi I don’t know what else to do. I’m Australian by birth but moved over to the UK in 1983 at the age of 3. I was given leave to live and work in the UK for an in definate period the only proof of this my mother lost when she lost the farm we owned due to the recession and have reapply ed for the stamp / visa but have been denied the visa due to not being settled this was nearly a yr ago the cab even told me the only thing to do is get a cash in hand job which is illegal and they couldn’t tell me that on paper. I have no family or friend in aus. I’ve basically been sofa surfing for the past year only just being able to survive. I was in the military for just over 6 years as well as being deployed to Afghanistan in 2012. I really don’t know what to do any advice most welcome thank you

    • Bannen says:

      Hi Joe, I think you can almost read the above comment (by Allx and my reply to him) and apply it to yourself too. Your external circumstances are breaking down and unstable and are hurting your life… and basically forcing you to begin looking in the one direction that is stable and solid for you: inside you. There’s an exploration waiting there for you, and when you dive into it you find a new clarity about yourself, and this new clarity gives you truer decisions, decisions which then radiate outward to affect your external circumstances. I have emailed you.

  • kristen says:

    I’m a student of class 10th who’s about to enter class 11th. My interest is in the arts stream and I want to pursue that but my dad is telling me to take commerce because where I live there none of the schools have arts. My mom understands me and says to send me out to study but my dad just can’t let me go. Everyday there is so much fights and arguments at my home I don’t know what to do ?!! Should I listen to my dad or mum ? Its so much i even tried to do some stupid things to end myself at once but I’m past that now. Please help me and tell me what to do?!!

    • Bannen says:

      Hi Kristen, the issues you’re having right now won’t just hurt you right now; they’re setting you up for a lot of your own issues later in life, too. You’re probably feeling the family is unstable and might break apart any time, and you’re probably feeling low self worth because your folks are so immersed in their own issues that they aren’t really seeing or hearing you and your needs. And these are your formative years… if you learn to feel valueless right now, and unstable in relationships, that will carry on later in life to adult feelings of being unworthy, letting others control you, seeking to please others, and being afraid of relationships because you’ve learned how unhappy and unstable they can be. There’s a lot to think about, and to consider working out with your parents. I have emailed you.

  • Merpoi says:

    Sorry Ive stared at this page a long time trying to figure how to put into words. I feel trapped. No transportation, Incomplete schooling, no realistic ambitions due to having a hand deformity that I’m now to old to correct that makes everything I enjoy doing subpar quality even with years and years of practice, and had to move back home because of drama loosing people who I thought were close to me and passing of grandparents, and I got laid off Christmas day from my third choice dream job. Ive become cynical and hopeless an its effecting my ability to get a temp job. I cry because I am a burden an a disappointment to others and myself. I hate my body and it hates me, recently snuck out to get an implant that has fixed agonizing menstrual cramps. Im just numb an am terrified of being homeless again. I’ve got a past history of attempts can’t afford therapy/psychology/medication and I’ve just “dealt with it” through talking to people but really who gives a shit? The people around me I have told are just ears and have their own lives. I know I’d only be missed by my cats and one other person not that it even matters because I’m to cowardly to do anything about it. I am stuck. I can’t see it getting better. That is all I am told but there’s no guarantee and it keeps getting worse. One step forward then trip 4 steps back and break leg.

    • Bannen says:

      Hi Merpoi, what are the circumstances of your life, aside from your hand? Because if you really have no one you feel close to… there’s a huge disconnect between you and most people. And I suspect that whatever has and is causing this disconnect… is far more relevant to your current happiness and situation than your hand is. I have emailed you.

  • Ren says:

    Whoever is interested in reading these words, thank you. I´ll be 40 in couple of months, long ago I was married for 8 years, with no kids, had a good job. Now, I got divorced, haven´t been with anyone stable after my ex wife (3 years ago), I can’t find a job and I don´t have any money either, I can´t pay my mortgage so I´ll probably lose my house, I am alone most of the time, almost never leave my house. In all the good or bad decisions I have ever taken, I could never picture myself turning 40 with absolutely nothing, no one to love, no one to hug, no job. I feel pity for myself. Not really sure I’ll get to my birthday

    • Bannen says:

      Hi Ren, I have emailed you… but your email address did not work. Please email me through the Contact page if you wish to see what I said.

  • 1idiot says:

    Dear Bannen,
    I’m in such a mess right now. My teeth hurt. My ribs hurt. I feel like a jerk.
    I’ve been taking drugs now for years and drinking way too much. I smoke. I hate myself.
    I have no money. I used to earn £150k pa. now its a tenth of that because I screwed my job up due to cocaine addiction.
    Don’t think I can go on anymore and I’m suicidal. Can’t pay for my bills so don’t know what I’m going to do anyway. There’s no point anymore.
    I try to love life but it keeps on screwing me. Its my own fault though like always. Used to own two houses. Lost it all. I can’t stop blaming myself.
    I’m so sorry to rant.
    Love
    The Idiot

    • Bannen says:

      Hi 1idiot, I suspect that something’s been eating at you for most of your life; it put a fire in you (anger, fear?) to work hard to succeed… but whatever it was, it also hurt enough that no amount of work/success could dissolve it. So the addictions began, even while you were succeeding. And – as always happens – the addictions eventually become dominant, and become toxic to everything you built up. Because whatever that ‘thing’ is that gave you both the fire and the addictions, it’s still there, running below your surface. There comes a time to face it. What is it? I have emailed you.

  • Charity says:

    Hi Bannen,

    First, thank you for this great landing place for all of us who have nowhere else to turn.

    Second, I don’t know what to do either. I’m a single parent of a 14-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter. My girl is a sweet, smart, caring kid who does great in school, seems happy, and follows my rules. My son is a horrible jerk. He lies, sneaks around, drinks, does drugs, says mean things to me, and I hate the way he always makes me so upset that I cry, every night, and my daughter locks herself in her room so she doesn’t have to hear us fighting. I have no family or friends that can take him. He’s very smart and manipulative, so he has great conversations with my friends – and me, when things are calm – but the very next day, he’s back at it again.

    I just started a new job and I’m losing sleep and it’s affecting my work. It’s affecting my relationship with my daughter. My parents only like to hear good news, so I can’t talk about this with them. His dad is a drug-addicted alcoholic who lives in another state.

    I feel so sad because I tried so hard to be a good mom… I make dinner every night, took the kids to sports practice, to plays, to fun activities. I make cookies, grow a garden… I don’t know what I did wrong, and I don’t know what to do. I asked the kids’ school counselor for help – 2 emails and 2 phone calls – and have not gotten a response. I am at a loss. Every time my son and I have a good conversation and agree on rules, he breaks them the next day, and is very unkind to me. I used to be so proud of him. I’m sad every day. Please help. Thank you.

    • Bannen says:

      Hi Charity, your son is having issues that have nothing to do with whether you’re a good mom or not. There is a lot going on below his surface, and I suspect much of that has to do with unclear and unresolved feelings about his father’s behavior and actions. He is angry, frustrated, testing out certain behaviors, venting, lashing out… a certain amount of that is ‘normal’ as kids become teens and begin feeling their power and lashing out at what doesn’t work for them or what makes them angry… but this is more than normal, it sounds like. And it has a root, a seed cause. And I suspect it’s primarily about his father, repressed or ignored feelings that are now coming out into the daylight. I have emailed you.

  • Makaka says:

    My friend is emotionally abusing me, she argues with me and in the end when I try to leave, she manipulates, black mails and threatens to take her life away – last night we were sleeping together at my house and she hurt me so much that my mind couldn’t take it anymore – i just wanted her to shut up but she wouldn’t i started kicking her legs in bed over and over and then started screaming and hitting my head and face with my hands and I couldn’t stand listening to her anymore, i ran out the house bare foot and she screamed for me to come in, i came back but i was bawling and crying loud like a baby and then she told me to go bed, i began laughing like a crazy person and saying really stupid things like ‘yes sleeping is good’ over and over again and constantly laughing and simultaneously tears were just dropping from my eyes, i couldn’t recognise myself when hearing and observing my actions at the time.

    I feel broken, I have no power left in me, everything is in slow motion – i cant smile, i cant laugh, i have no more life left in me. My reaction described is after 1 month of constant abuse, day and, night before bed, i cant sleep until she falls asleep because otherwise she will kill herself for loving such a selfish person.

    I just say to myself ‘i hate you, i hate you, you want to drink and squeeze the blood out of me’ I say this over and over in my head – she wants to change things now, but its all fake she says this every day after an argument and its the same thing, but worse each time.

    I ask her for a solution, she says, just don’t leave me. I want to end my life –

    • Bannen says:

      Hello Makaka, why are you calling this person a ‘friend’, and why do you allow her to still be in your life? There are a lot of issues happening here, in you and in your friend. What is really going on? I have emailed you.

  • Maren says:

    i do not know what to do at this point…… A friend of mine has been feeling down all the time lately and i try to help and ask whats been going on but she wont answer and she keeps snapping at me and telling me to leave her alone and stuff. she just wants to be with our other friend. also she has never acted like this before. We met in August of 2016 and she just started being down and about all the time since last month. i do not know what to do with her. i still wanna be friends with her and help her. please help!

    • Bannen says:

      Hi Maren, you want to help your friend, and her pushing you away makes you feel hurt and helpless. But she is insisting on her space from you for a reason. She sounds like she is going through some things… and on some level she is feeling that you aren’t the person who can help her with whatever she is going through. But she may be getting a little of what she needs from that other friend.
      You cannot force this. You might want to continue and to help… but she’s making it clear that she doesn’t want that with you.
      It’s okay to let go. To let it be known you’re still here for her and would like to be… but it’s also okay to mourn a little for a friendship that is pulling away, and also to understand that this pulling-away, even though it hurts, may not be ‘wrong’. Maybe the right thing is happening. Mourn, but still let it happen. I have emailed you.

  • Nancy says:

    I just don’t know how to handle my father-in-law. He doesn’t talk to much. He and my husband doing business. He is one in charge. One day I ask for his opinion that i was kind of thinking to meet my parents so what does he think. He said k you guys plan. Then when we made all arrangement and said the date to flight he ask when will be you return I said we have not planned that may after few days. He started do you know we have a business here and I said we have not booked the ticket yet. He started going on and on abt this and that. I am totally confused and now don’t know what to do.

    • Bannen says:

      Hello Nancy, your father-in-law seems to be the kind who is used to having power, used to getting his way, and doesn’t have clear consideration for his son’s family life. He gives you ‘freedom to make your plans’, and then when you do he questions them and starts in with criticizing. This is a person you can never truly please, because his wishes change according to his needs and his moods each day. What he offers you one day, no longer applies the next day, or he adds conditions to it. With a person like this, you can only really do two things: you can learn to be very precise with them, making sure whatever they say and offer to you is clear and witnessed, and then you can also learn to assert your own power for yourselves, even if that means standing up to him, or looking for another business arrangement so your husband is no longer in the position of being under his father’s power. I have emailed you.

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