Help Me Please

LET’S GET STARTED.
Thank you for visiting my website. You’ve typed in ‘help me please’, which means you’ve gone beyond searching for a specific type of help, and your circumstances have overwhelmed you into making a single deep call for help.

I will try to offer sincere help throughout this site, and for free. There will be no advice here, nothing to buy, no exercises or tests to take, no new things for you to ‘believe’ or ‘follow’; what I offer you is options, enough options to maybe help disassemble some parts of your problems, hopefully show you a spark of light.

Please read the following short introductions to the three kinds of help I offer here, and then start exploring whichever seems to meet your need most authentically.

Introduction: The Course1. THE COURSE
There are always options you have not thought about. Even the wisest, most intelligent and resourceful mind cannot think of every option. Often a life-saving option is literally right in front of you, even within you, and because you are in such a dire state you’re not able to see it clearly.

A magical fact is that there are options that can help everyone. There are actually generic options that you can apply to help cope with, make less painful, or solve (if they can be ‘solved’) your problems. I have heard so many people say “I’ve tried EVERYTHING!”, and “Nothing works, no one can help me!”, and “I don’t know what to do!”.

You think you’ve tried everything? You haven’t even come close to trying everything, and I’ll prove it in The Course. Nothing works? Everything works, you just haven’t opened to it in the right way. You don’t know what to do? You know entirely what to do, you just haven’t been able to look past your pain and fear, and listen properly.

THE COURSE is a shot of adrenaline for you. If you think you’re ‘at the end’, you’ve ‘hit bottom’, you’ve ‘run out of realistic options’, your ‘life is over’… take my course. It is progressive, linear, blows apart your thought that you’ve reached your limit, and gives you many options you hadn’t thought about. Think of it as a ‘primer before you reach out for any other kind of help’.

Remember: my course, like everything on this site, is free. Nothing to buy, nothing to learn, no exercises, no religiousness, no commercial spirituality. You just read it, and it starts to move something inside you. Note that these are not brief website articles; this is a lot of reading, something to immerse yourself in, a book published in web page form. Let’s begin with the Introduction.

Interview: Separating Parents2. THE INTERVIEWS
These are interviews I do with people who have been through things. All kinds of people, from all areas, all ages, and all kinds of life happenings. One of the biggest blind spots of anyone who is suffering, is the feeling that they are alone, that no one understands. But if you are having deep troubles, and you read an interview, or a dozen interviews, with people who are going through similar things, you no longer feel so isolated, and you can learn, be helped, by hearing about how others have coped, even survived and thrived, through circumstances similar to what you are going through.

To read more about these interviews and how I conduct them, please read ‘The Interviews‘ page. Or you can go directly to any category under ‘THE INTERVIEWS’ heading at right, and select an interview whose title resonates with your own circumstances. Note that no interview is just about one thing; a ‘change of life’ interview might talk about some great or tragic event leading to that change; a ‘sexual abuse’ interview might talk about later problems in life resulting from the abuse. I try to loosely categorize each interview, but each one includes wider events.

I will add to these interviews constantly, so please check in at a later date, if you do not see an interview that helps you at the moment.

Free Your Thinking3. THE MIND TOOLS
Usually it is a wide collection of events and decisions that bring you down a road that eventually tightens and bottlenecks into your finally asking ‘help me please’. It is invariably a combination of external happenings, and your reactions and responses to them, that brings you to either success or suffering. This is not a matter of ‘fault’ or blame, of intelligence or strength; the smartest and strongest people can still end up in a place of despair and destitution.

But your mind can evolve into something better; not every difficult circumstance in your life can be thwarted or escaped, however there are thought-tools you can use to better cope with problems, or even to deal with enough parts of a problem so that the whole is reduced in severity and becomes something manageable.

These are a random series of mind tools. Mind tools are just that: thought-tools to help your mind build into a stronger entity. You don’t have to learn any new spiritual words, there are no exercises, you don’t have to learn or remember anything here. Mind tools are simple thoughts that clarify something in your head, help your thought process evolve into something more efficient, healthy, powerful, capable. You just read them, and they start to work.

You can read more about them on ‘The Mind Tools‘ page, or go directly to the Mind Tools category and select one that resonates with you. Each is a powerful tool to help you clear your mind, and clear up your life.

-   -   -

I hope these pages can help you. I won’t send you to any other websites, you can search those out on your own. Every article on this site is written by myself, every link goes to another page within this site only, every interview is conducted by myself and the final version is approved by the person being interviewed, and even the photos are all by me.

My mind is well now. But I have been in that place, of asking HELP ME PLEASE, many times in the past, for many years, and in situations where I did not think I would survive. So I think I can give you realistic and effective options.

And I hope I do that.

Thank you,
Neil

Neil

49 Comments »

  • Anna says:

    Hi
    I need help! I promised God a few years ago I will never try to comit suicide again, but I struggle with that thought so much, I can’t stop thinking of it, I’m tired SO tired of life!

  • Mich says:

    I truly don’t know where to start or whether anyone will be willing to read without judging me, but for the last few years I’ve not gone a week without planning suicide or wishing for something to just end it all. I see nothing to look forward to. My future just does not seem to offer anything better than the past or present. Some of my plans have been set into motion, but all the things I tried failed to work. No one I know, knows anything about my thoughts or attempts, I don’t want them to know, I don’t want to be stopped, I just want someone to listen to my reasons for wanting to give up and give in. I’m damaged and everything I do and all people I bring into my life nowadays just seem to help me further self destruct.

  • Jasmine says:

    I’m facing so many problems in my life I need help please

  • Just a girl says:

    Thank you for writing this. I thought the distance between people was insurmountable. I thought I’d never know anyone or have someone know me deeply. But something clicked when I read about validation.

    When I was 10, I had a teacher who publicly humiliated me daily, purposefully made me feel stupid and incapable of improving. It’s amazing how bad things can get when an authority figure singles you out for group hate. I was a very sensitive child to begin with; all I wanted was to make people proud, make them laugh, to be friends with everyone I met. I went from being a happy kid to a complete wreck during that year and I’ve never fully recovered. I developed dissociative anxiety, which really messes with your identity and sense of reality.

    I realized after reading your course that I was balling all my problems into this sense of unworthiness that began back then. Everything that went wrong was an extension of my deep belief that I’m less important than other people. So… thank you for being a piece of my life that helped me to change that.

    Thank you so much.

    • Bannen says:

      Thank you, Just A Girl, and my pleasure. Emailed you. I hope to soon put another chapter into the course, an extension of Validation called ‘Self-Validation’. It’s when you switch from basing your happiness and identity upon the validation from others – external validation – over to the internal and much more stable validation that comes from inside you.

  • Peyton says:

    I feel so broken. Beyond repair. I was never wanted.

  • Dicktracy says:

    I am lonely. I have so much to be thankful for–caring husband, beautiful children, a good life. Yet I think about ending it so much. I have no real friends. I long for friends who are open and accepting. I pray. I soul-search, meditate. I look inward for answers. But I am LONELY! I want friends and don’t understand why I am so socially awkward. People think I’m stuck-up, or weird, or I don’t know what they think but I have no friends. Life is too painful to go on like this.

  • Sho says:

    I really am not sure what to do. I am depressed when I feel like I shouldn’t and it makes me drown in guilt whenever I see how privileged I am yet I still cant be happy. I grew up in a very volatile household that totally condemns the idea of dating, but just last week was my 6 month anniversary with my girlfriend. I might be in danger of failing for the year and despite that my girlfriend will be going to a college in an entirely different state. She’s what keeps me alive and breathing everyday, but I feel like I might lose her. I feel the need to free myself, but I cant bring myself to suicide. I just can’t seem to get the idea of running away out of my head. I’ve tried praying to an absent god, I’ve tried reading and motivating myself. I just need some guidance.

  • Omar Sameh Mahmoud Fekry says:

    Why am even here? Is this even gonna change anything? I don’t think so , I came here after visiting suicide sites and I don’t even know why am writing this !! Maybe practicing my typing skills for one last time ? , I am a total failure I have failed in everything, I failed to keep my job,my love,my game !! I even failed to end my miserable life , I don’t believe in god , I don’t believe in my religion “my family said am Muslim” I do believe in money which I never had , I hate my country myself , I hate god he is not fair , I love sex , I think am sex addict , I don’t have money to cure myself , I believe I need help and I also believe no one can

  • Violet says:

    I am depressed. I am a teenager and it is prettycommon on my age but I am constantly having suicidal thoughts. Just a few days ago my exam results came in and I failed even though I put all I had in it. My parents refuse to talk to me. Because of it we are having many fights in my family and my parents are constantly shouting at one another. I need help.

    • Bannen says:

      Emailed you, Violet.

      I am always sorry to hear that yet another person is not being loved and validated unconditionally. Parents so often withdraw their support and love if you are not performing up to their expectations in school, job, life. And also sorry to hear how your own needs become shoved to the side or ignored, due to your parents’ own issues.

      I know it makes you feel a certain way… but don’t believe it.
      You are worthy, you are loved, you deserve to be here, you are important. If anyone makes you feel otherwise, that is THEIR shortcoming, not yours. It takes time and maturity… but I hope you can eventually validate your own worthiness, even when the people around you seem incapable of validating you and your worthiness.

  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you so much for dedicating your time to creating this site. It helped me through a very dark time in my life. While your words did not specifically address my problems, simply knowing that there was someone out there who could understand made many nights spent sobbing on my bathroom floor a little less painful. Thank you for the kindness you have shown in creating this site.
    To all of those out there struggling with a deep, visceral pain, I promise, someday it will go away. In the meantime, there is a community of those who can empathize.

    • Bannen says:

      Thank you for writing, I am very glad that some things here resonated enough to be helpful.

      Emailed you.

  • Trey says:

    A year ago I messed up the only thing that actually made me happy. I was in deeply in love with the girl of my dreams and she was in love with me. I did something I shouldn’t have done to ruin it… It is… to this day… my only regret in life. I did everything I could at the time to try to repair it, but nothing worked. Ever since I have been deeply depressed again and there’s not a day that goes by where something doesn’t remind me of her. I’ve dated other girls and tried so hard to love another girl… but I can’t. She was literally the perfect girl. I don’t think I’ll ever love again. If you have any advice… i’ll take it.

    • Bannen says:

      Emailed you Trey.

      To others: what is missing inside you, that you can only feel happiness when you’re with the ‘right person’ and you feel unhappy when you’re not?

      First, build yourself, inside. Then the right people will appear. It is not fair to you or to others if you are making others responsible for your happiness. Find yourself. Then others will find you.

  • Anonymous says:

    I think my time is up.

    Nothing significant has happened. On the outside I probably look like some fun loving university student, going through life without a care in the world. Yet inside, I’m frustrated, angry and lonely.

    I don’t know who or what else to turn to.

    • Bannen says:

      Emailed you, Anonymous.

      To others: if you outwardly show a different face than you feel inwardly… why are you hiding what you feel? If there is no one you feel you can show your true face, start looking for a different kind of person to know.

      And frustration, anger and loneliness come from somewhere. What is missing from your life, that you feel that way? Start identifying where those feelings come from, and what to do to fill them in a more healthy way.

  • Prefer to be kept anonymous please says:

    I get these strange shocks of depression. For absolutely no reason. I get upset over the smallest things and I have trouble breathing when i think about them. I feel horrible, I feel alone, I feel like there’s no one to listen to me. Infact, no one ever listens to me anyways.

    • Bannen says:

      Emailed you Anonymous.

      To others: All bouts of depression, all upsets over the smallest things, come from some deeper source, they do not just come from ‘nowhere’. Something needs finding, inside you. Start looking inside.

  • GGR says:

    Please help me. Everyone thinks I am strong, but I’m not. I can’t see my future and I don’t know what to do. I can’t even see myself a month into the future. I’ve barely made it to 19 and I feel like I have reached my time to be done now. I just want to be done but people are relying on me to stay and be strong. But I’m not strong. I don’t know how to make the pain go away.

    • Bannen says:

      Emailed you, GGR.

      To others: if people are relying on you to be strong, but you are not feeling strong inside anymore… who have you found that can be strong for YOU? Start searching. Admit you need help. Ask.

  • Broken says:

    I can’t find a category to fit under. my life has been a roller coaster of physical and mental abuse in many forms from many people. Then I thought I was free but now I know I am not and will never be. somehow I have stayed strong until now. Now I am so broken I can barely hold my head up. I have people who depend on me and it’s a struggle to get out of my bed each day.

  • Melody says:

    I’m reading the course right now, and I just want to say thank you so much. I was in a really bad state, the kind that’s been happening more and more often, not knowing what to do, scared and feeling helpless. I’ve only just scratched the surface of what you’ve written but for the first time, for the first time I feel like someone really understands, someone has been there, because before this even though books and people say otherwise, I felt completely alone and in alien strange territory. I cried when I read your introduction. Thank you so much.

    • Bannen says:

      Thank you, Melody, and our further emails have been illuminating. You are so insightful and clear-headed for your age. Actually for ANY age.

  • Jenna says:

    Please help me. I’m so lost and have nowhere to turn. No one understands the pain, not even me.

  • Eli says:

    im in a military school. and i really want to go home already. i want to live the life i once had. i cant focus anymore and all im just thinking and wishing is about going home. problem is my life will no longer be the same as it was. everyone back home looks up to me as some kind of successful one. and my father would probably deny me once i quit or be discharged. im a hundred percent anxious and a hundred percent depress. i really do not know what to do. im stuck and im running out of time. i just want to live like i once was. please help

    • Bannen says:

      I’ve emailed you, Eli.

      And: For a moment, suspend what everyone else in your life thinks about you; if you knew everyone would love you, support you, help you, throw money at you, cheer you on regardless of your decision…

      …What decision would you make?

      Then: can you make the same decision, or some realistic compromise of it, even knowing that you might not be supported, might disappoint people, might receive little or no help?

      I do not know the answers for you, but ‘suspension of what others think about you’ can be a valuable tool in figuring out your decisions, just as valuable as taking into account what everyone will think about you.

  • Andrew says:

    Please. Tell me what do i Do. I have no more rope left. Please feel. Free to call me , i feel. Like jumping out the window

  • Cherrice says:

    I feel like I’m the struggle.. No matter how close I am to the goal it gets Snatched away
    I do not know what I did in my past that I have to be like this now
    This cannot be my future!!
    I’m sooo stressed I just wanna go swim far away …..
    I won’t
    I’m blessed to continue to breathe this f/:ked up air

  • Ariya says:

    I wonder
    If i died
    Would anyone care
    Will it matter to anyone
    Will i get a funeral
    Or will people party about it
    I wonder
    If anyone will cry
    Or even be sad about
    Or will they all b laughing
    I wonder
    If i died
    Then will anyone feel the loss
    Will anyone miss me
    Will they care
    I wonder
    If i kill my self
    Will they bother to find out why
    Or will they just keep on living
    As if nothing happened
    I wonder
    If i died

    Will some be heart broken
    Or did people resent me so much
    I wonder
    How i will die
    At my hands
    Or at the hands of my god
    If it will be an accident
    Or will it be suicide
    I wonder
    If i meant anything at all
    Or did people loath me that much…

  • sealsocks says:

    I don’t know why nobody has commented here yet! But I will be the first to say THANK YOU, for this, thank you, because it is so rare to find people who genuinely do something because they care about it and not for any other reasons. I have done such things and it often gets thrown back in your face, and you start to wonder if you should bother, but somehow I can’t help it, I just have to try and do good. So thank you again for being a dude. There are not so many of them! All best wishes to you and for a better world.

    • Bannen says:

      FYI to readers: I do not ask friends or readers to make comments on my site; I’d rather the comments happen naturally and organically, rather than as an ‘urged’ comment for social marketing. I receive a lot of spam and fake comments and check each one before giving it the ok; I checked and this is indeed legit.

      Thank you very much for your THANK YOU! Thrilled to know these interviews and articles are of help to someone.

      • Phoebe says:

        I’m beyond words. Still working the course.
        So broken, that I can’t see how I can get thru this. But I have a little hope now.
        And a plan.. i will bust the sludge ball into baby sludgelings and deal with them one by one.
        I could not understand why the universe wasn’t helping me.
        It was- I just couldn’t see it
        I have to learn to trust myself.
        To fix myself.
        To have ppl in my life based on want- not need.
        Thank you.
        I’m terrified and beat up, hurting and bruised, but I know where to start,
        and I’m moving towards something… Whatever that is.
        It’s better than dead and frozen inside.

        You have literally no idea… This saved my life.
        Thank you.

        • Bannen says:

          Thank you for writing, Phoebe. ‘The Course’ is a bit frazzled and needs a serious rewrite to make it clearer… but at the time I felt an overwhelming rightness in just getting the first drafts done and out there, and cleaning it up later. I’m so glad I did, instead of waiting.

          Also, I wrote the Course in a way that urges everyone to realize… you already know this stuff, it’s all within you. Most of us just need some kind of reminder in order to consciously recognize that it’s there.

          And thank you for your very sharing email. We will be writing each other more.

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