Help Me Please

LET’S GET STARTED.
Thank you for visiting my website. You’ve typed in ‘help me please’, which means you’ve gone beyond searching for a specific type of help, and your circumstances have overwhelmed you into making a single deep call for help.

I will try to offer sincere help throughout this site, and for free. There will be no advice here, nothing to buy, no exercises or tests to take, no new things for you to ‘believe’ or ‘follow’; what I offer you is options, enough options to maybe help disassemble some parts of your problems, hopefully show you a spark of light.

Please read the following short introductions to the three kinds of help I offer here, and then start exploring whichever seems to meet your need most authentically.

Introduction: The Course1. THE COURSE
There are always options you have not thought about. Even the wisest, most intelligent and resourceful mind cannot think of every option. Often a life-saving option is literally right in front of you, even within you, and because you are in such a dire state you’re not able to see it clearly.

A magical fact is that there are options that can help everyone. There are actually generic options that you can apply to help cope with, make less painful, or solve (if they can be ‘solved’) your problems. I have heard so many people say “I’ve tried EVERYTHING!”, and “Nothing works, no one can help me!”, and “I don’t know what to do!”.

You think you’ve tried everything? You haven’t even come close to trying everything, and I’ll prove it in The Course. Nothing works? Everything works, you just haven’t opened to it in the right way. You don’t know what to do? You know entirely what to do, you just haven’t been able to look past your pain and fear, and listen properly.

THE COURSE is a shot of adrenaline for you. If you think you’re ‘at the end’, you’ve ‘hit bottom’, you’ve ‘run out of realistic options’, your ‘life is over’… take my course. It is progressive, linear, blows apart your thought that you’ve reached your limit, and gives you many options you hadn’t thought about. Think of it as a ‘primer before you reach out for any other kind of help’.

Remember: my course, like everything on this site, is free. Nothing to buy, nothing to learn, no exercises, no religiousness, no commercial spirituality. You just read it, and it starts to move something inside you. Note that these are not brief website articles; this is a lot of reading, something to immerse yourself in, a book published in web page form. Let’s begin with the Introduction.

Interview: Separating Parents2. THE INTERVIEWS
These are interviews I do with people who have been through things. All kinds of people, from all areas, all ages, and all kinds of life happenings. One of the biggest blind spots of anyone who is suffering, is the feeling that they are alone, that no one understands. But if you are having deep troubles, and you read an interview, or a dozen interviews, with people who are going through similar things, you no longer feel so isolated, and you can learn, be helped, by hearing about how others have coped, even survived and thrived, through circumstances similar to what you are going through.

To read more about these interviews and how I conduct them, please read ‘The Interviews‘ page. Or you can go directly to any category under ‘THE INTERVIEWS’ heading at right, and select an interview whose title resonates with your own circumstances. Note that no interview is just about one thing; a ‘change of life’ interview might talk about some great or tragic event leading to that change; a ‘sexual abuse’ interview might talk about later problems in life resulting from the abuse. I try to loosely categorize each interview, but each one includes wider events.

I will add to these interviews constantly, so please check in at a later date, if you do not see an interview that helps you at the moment.

Free Your Thinking3. THE MIND TOOLS
Usually it is a wide collection of events and decisions that bring you down a road that eventually tightens and bottlenecks into your finally asking ‘help me please’. It is invariably a combination of external happenings, and your reactions and responses to them, that brings you to either success or suffering. This is not a matter of ‘fault’ or blame, of intelligence or strength; the smartest and strongest people can still end up in a place of despair and destitution.

But your mind can evolve into something better; not every difficult circumstance in your life can be thwarted or escaped, however there are thought-tools you can use to better cope with problems, or even to deal with enough parts of a problem so that the whole is reduced in severity and becomes something manageable.

These are a random series of mind tools. Mind tools are just that: thought-tools to help your mind build into a stronger entity. You don’t have to learn any new spiritual words, there are no exercises, you don’t have to learn or remember anything here. Mind tools are simple thoughts that clarify something in your head, help your thought process evolve into something more efficient, healthy, powerful, capable. You just read them, and they start to work.

You can read more about them on ‘The Mind Tools‘ page, or go directly to the Mind Tools category and select one that resonates with you. Each is a powerful tool to help you clear your mind, and clear up your life.

–   –   –

I hope these pages can help you. I won’t send you to any other websites, you can search those out on your own. Every article on this site is written by myself, every link goes to another page within this site only, every interview is conducted by myself and the final version is approved by the person being interviewed, and even the photos are all by me.

My mind is well now. But I have been in that place, of asking HELP ME PLEASE, many times in the past, for many years, and in situations where I did not think I would survive. So I think I can give you realistic and effective options.

And I hope I do that.

Thank you,
Neil

Neil

***One temporary note: Since I began this website I’ve been responding personally to every comment and email; for now I’ll have to stop, and when I can resume the emails again I will remove this note. Apologies and thank you.

208 Comments »

  • Avery Frederick says:

    Hey,
    I’m 14 years old and am suffering from ADHD, Depression and Behavior Issues. I can’t control myself and I’m truly afraid of myself. I’ve run away before thinking I would feel better to be away from what makes me feel bad at home. It doesn’t help. The further away I got from home the more alone the more scared i felt. I didn’t know what would happen to me… but I really didn’t care. My parents always pick me second over my 10 year old sister. She gets things that I would never even dream of asking for. I was told once that there is always a rough draft before the final copy whether it is intended or not. I’ve accepted that I am the rough draft of my family but I can’t live with it much longer. Recently, I’ve been having suicidal thoughts and I get closer every time I try. I need someone who can hear me out, who understands me but nobody does. I hate myself more and more but I can’t get over that I’ve lost almost all my friends over the summer because I can’t deal with any drama in my life. People say that true friends stick around forever right, not in my case they discover who you really are and then turn and leave you in the dust.
    I want to die. Nobody can hate or yell at someone who’s not there right? What’s the point of being in a world where every single person in the around can’t stand you?
    Help me please…

    • Bannen says:

      When you mention about friends, remember something: a friend is different from a counselor or some other kind of helper. Your friends, like most people, want a friend, not someone to ‘take you on as a project’ they have to deal with and help. There is a difference. Yes, a good friend can also be there for you to some extent, but that’s not really the ‘friend job’. That’s the helper-job.

      Everyone has issues of some kind; but some of us have such intense issues, it goes beyond the normal issue range and up into the severe issue range. And very few people can deal with that in any kind of relationship, because in that extreme range it’s no longer about the relationship, it’s about dealing with the issues as a project.

      Your issues are more severe. I know what that’s like, because mine were too. And I realized it wasn’t up to my friends or lovers or family to heal me of my issues. It was up to me to heal myself to a point of health where I could indeed have a healthy relationship with someone else, rather than being a project for them to deal with.

      It sounds like you have some very deep issues about not being validated by your family. You seem to have a very low self-worth and self-opinion. From a couple of your phrases, I suspect you have had an abusive, or at least troubled/dysfunctional family life, problems with your parents? And it sounds like the people around you won’t be able to ‘fill’ you with validation, worthiness, and help you explore who you are.

      So… it’s up to you. Why not go in search of who you are… the person inside you who knows his own value, regardless of whether or not your family makes you feel worthy? You are worthy, that’s given to you from the moment you were born. So if you’re not feeling worthy, it’s only because you haven’t been listening to your insides, you’ve based your happiness and self-worth on how the people outside you make you feel.

      I guarantee, when you begin listening to your own insides, and let go of this suffering personality the people around you have built you into on the surface… that person inside you, HE won’t feel like ending his life.

  • Alex says:

    I don’t know if this is how I’m supposed to reach out, but I need help. I don’t know if I’m asking the right way, I’m going out on a limb.
    I’m 17 years old, and I’ve already screwed myself over more times than I can count. What I mean is, I’ve done something unforgivable..
    Ive betrayed a friend. Its been 3-4 years since I’ve last seen them. And it eats me up inside just thinking about what Ive done to them. It was over prescription drugs.
    I was big going into it at the time, currently I’m drug free and have been for 2 years. I had my first drink when I was 12 years old and my first fix at 13. This information isn’t meant to be used for pity, I just need to find a way to fix all that I’ve done. I know I may never be forgiven, but what do I do? I’ve completely ruined everything.
    This all took place in the 8th grade, that’s where I met them. We had 1 or 2 classes together and we had really hit it off, meeting through a mutual friend of ours we had exchanged numbers by the third week of meeting each other. They put their trust in me, enough trust that they let me set up a social media account for them. This was where I fucked up.
    We’d just parted ways for summer vacation, and Id gotten deeper into my terrible way. I had no thought going through my head at the time, no consciousness of consequences towards the hurt I was going to cause them. I don’t understand what I was doing at the time, it overwhelms me just writing about this now. I can’t imagine how much pain I have put them through. I was stupid girl with crazy thoughts going on in my head. And i have no excuse. I know that.
    I had logged into their account and gotten into a chat with one of their male classmates one thing led to another and the mild conversation we were having turned into one about drugs (Adderral to be exact, I was on this at the time, along with 2 others that I can’t recall), and the transaction of said drugs. They thought I was their friend because I was on said friend’s account.
    2 months go by and I get a message from my then friend asking me what the hell I thought I was doing. I was confused at first, and couldn’t remember what they meant by that at the time. (I was still on stuff at the time, this was during 9th grade). But few weeks pass by and I manage to gety head out of my rear and tried to contact them, needless to say they weren’t having it and we didn’t talk for another year or two.

    I know I’m scum, I’m a waste of shit that did this to someone I had called a friend and may never be forgiven. But I still want to make things right, I’ve contacted them recently on Facebook trying to apologize and explaining myself, but no response.
    Ive gone to see therapists and a psychologist for personal issues. What do I do? I’m 17 now and I dont l know how I’ll be able to live any further if this goes on. I hate myself immensely.

    • Bannen says:

      Hi Alex.
      That ‘mistake’ wasn’t the issue. The issue runs much deeper. Because that was just an unthinking mistake, which everyone makes many of all their lives, myself included.
      But you are really beating up on yourself for it, far past what is healthy. So that is the issue. One mistake doesn’t cause a healthy person to think they’re shit and to want to end their life; so something else has caused you to grow into this very unhealthy person, and that something else is what needs looking at.

      I’m emailing you, in case you want to begin talking about that. Your history – with your parents maybe? – is what has evolved you into this person who thinks so poorly of yourself. So, let’s talk about that.

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